Have You Ever
by tiggerbounced
Summary: Starts with a scene from Season 5 SPOILER ALERT and ends up my way! Songfic oneshot!


**Warning:** **Spoilers for Season 5!**

**Disclaimer: The L Word doesn't belong to me and neither does this amazing song by S Club 7. **

_Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over_

_Knowing there's so much more to say_

"Yes, yes, I'm in love with Jodie." Bette choked out, before walking quickly down the driveway, avoiding Tina's gaze.

_Suddenly the moment's gone_

_And all your dreams are upside down_

Bette sat up in bed, looking at Jodie's tousled hair beside her and buried her head in her hands with a groan. This was wrong, so wrong.

_And you just wanna change the way the world goes round_

If only she could rewind back to just hours before, when Tina had asked that decisive question.

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody_

_Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry_

All night, Tina had been up, thinking about that horrible horrible word, that affirmative word that had crushed her in one blow. Yet, she deserved it, she tried to convince herself. She had lost all rights to be with Bette, the only person she had ever loved, when she had made the decision to be with Henry. What would she give to change all that!

_Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking_

Watching Bette walk down that driveway was the hardest thing she had ever had to do, knowing that she was walking away from Tina and towards Jodie made it worse.

_Lookin down the road you should be taking_

_I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

"I should be with Bette, what I would give to have been able to walk back with Bette, just like old times. That's exactly it though, old times. I was the one that let you slip away, oh Bette!" Tina thought dejectedly, sipping a cup of coffee in a corner of The Planet.

_Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together_

_Back in your arms where I belong_

"Bye Bette!" Jodie said as she kissed Bette's cheek while giving her a hug, before walking out of The Planet. Bette cringed but thankfully Jodie didn't notice.

"God, Jodie's arms feel like a trap, they make me feel cornered. So different from Tee's, I always felt so safe and so loved when I was being hugged by her." Bette reminisced.

_Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found_

_I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round_

"Why oh why did I give up on waiting for Tina, I should have known that she could not last long with Henry. She and I were the real deal. Why did I give in to Jodie's advances? Why?" Bette mentally berated herself.

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody_

_Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry_

"I should never have turned to Candace in order to feel something. Tina was the only one that ever made me **feel**, feel love. That's the best feeling in the world ever. Oh Tina, will you ever forgive me?"

_Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking_

Bette looked down at her hands cupping the coffee mug "Warm. Fuzzy. That's the way you made me feel Tee. And that's how I felt when I found out that you had broken up with Henry. But immediately, that feeling was taken away, when I realised that I was not a free agent, that you and me were once again thwarted."

_Lookin down the road you should be taking_

_I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

"Oh God, and when I found out through Alice that you were planning to date again. I wanted to book all your dates, to be yours exclusively. Yet I couldn't. I could only sit there and watch as you moved on without me once again."

_I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels_

"Bette!" the sound of her name being called jolted her out of her thoughts, Kit was calling her.

"Bette! Tina's outside there and she's crying, I think you should go out there and see what's wrong?" Kit suggested.

Bette jumped to her feet, Tina needed her and...she needed Tina.

"Tina, are you alright? Why are you crying? God, please don't cry." Bette said while wiping Tina's tears with her fingers.

_To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see_

_Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow_

Tina grabbed tightly onto Bette's hands with her own and choked out "Bette, I should never have let you go, never. I was stupid, I was foolish and I deserve to have lost everything that ever meant anything to me – you. I'm sorry, I know you're with Jodie now and you don't deserve to hear this from me."

_Wishing I could change the way the world goes round_

"But I need you to know that I would do anything to bring back the old times when you and me were crazy in love and happily together. Anything. I still love you Bette, so so much."

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody_

_Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry (I'm sorry)_

"I'm sorry I hurt you and chose to mess around with Henry, I should never have done that and I'm being punished for it now I swear."

_Can't you see, (ohhh) that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_

_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking_

_Lookin down the road you should be taking_

Tina stood up rapidly and turned to leave after whispering so softly that Bette wasn't sure she heard it "I wish you all happiness with Jodie, Bette. I really do, because I lost that right years ago."

_I should know, (I should know) cos I loved and lost the day I let_

Bette snapped out of her shock and quickly lunged out for Tina's hand, "Wait!"

_Yes I loved and lost the day I let_

Tina stopped in her tracks and Bette tugged on her hand, pulling her in.

"Tina, I still love you too, and I was the one who let you go first." Bette reminded her.

_Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go  
_

Tina crumpled into Bette's embrace, sobbing hard.

"I always loved you Bette, I never stopped."

"I always loved you too Tee, and if I let you go again today, it'll be the biggest loss of my life and you know Bette Porter hates to lose."


End file.
